sábado, 20 de febrero de 2010

2007 Finally at peace

It’s night and thoughts are wondering around... so here I am typing, don´t knowing how this will end.

2007 was THE YEAR, the year when my world was shocked, slapped it, turned around, shacked it, everything was upside down, and I can’t blame anyone else but me. That was the year I hurt a lot of people, more important my close family. I never imagined I could make my parents suffer that much, of course never intended to do it, but that doesn’t matter in the end I did.

I considered myself as a caring person, who likes to be in harmony with the people around me, but always in a way unhappy about who I was physically, mentally , spiritually , well just wasn’t happy, and because of that I got myself in a situation totally wrong but at the time gave me some temporary happiness and I don’t think it was happiness, it was momentaneous joy, and because I’d never felt it before, I didn’t see the awful consequences coming; meaning the suffer of the people I love, and depression , stress and anxiety attacks for myself.

Almost 3 years after, you might be thinking why Is she remembering that ???, well I thought about it ‘cause I see how my life has changed since that year, I’m healthy, I’m in peace with my family and most important with myself, I enjoy my work (sometimes I complain about it but yes I love having a job) , I have great friends, I’m starting to love myself and I’m writing and remembering about that time without tears in my face. Now I can be grateful of 2007; ‘cause when easily I can say it was the worst year of my life, it was also the best .

All in all 2007 :

  • Helped me change all my dark, negative things I was carrying since a long time.
  • Made me realize the value of my family and my best friend who always was there for me, and now I miss her so much (she’s living in another city).
  • It gave me the courage to travel, and study abroad
  • Made me taste the sour to distinguish the sweet time I’m living.
  • Is the reason I’m here sharing my feelings with all of you (lovely souls).

Dark times can bring the worst and best of us, in 2007 I was the worst no doubt about it, but I do believe after 2007 I’m following the right pad to be a better person, at least a happier one!.

As always I love you all and it is a great thing to share my deepest thoughts with you. I only wish you peace of soul and mind. And of course porn and o’s xoxoxox

sábado, 16 de enero de 2010

Lovely nights

It's been a while since my last post, but I think I've said it before; I only write when I'm in a specific mood when my brains wants to spit some thoughts into words!!

I don't think my posts will have an specific subject or theme, I will write what I feel at the moment.
I've always loved night time, it can be weird but is the time I feel more alive, my mind more cleared; who knows maybe in a past life I was a night creature, the point is that even I like a sunny warm day to go out for a walk and have a chat with a close friend, nights are for me and for me alone. Is the time when I can be with myself and let my mind go: sometimes to create, analize(to often I would say), dream or just to meditate about how my life is going.

I cannot understand people who can't be alone, years ago so called friends annoyed me with the classic frase "don't leave me alone", and because my insecurities about if I say no to them... I will myself be ended alone. What a contradiction... but yes be insecure make you do things you don't want. Of course when I needed som aid from those persons I only got NO for an answer.

We live in a world where the majority likes the crowd, the noise, the more "friends" you´ve got the more "popular" you are. And being the opposite had made my life so difficult, until through different circumstancse I learned and still learning to accept who am I and what do I stand for. I like the quiet, I like to be surrounded by nature and maybe I have a few friends, but are exactly that: truly friends. And maybe because I started to accept everything that conforms myself is why I enjoy so much my lovely nights!.

And don't get me wrong; I like to go to parties, reunions, I love concerts, cinema and more social situations, but because I want to, not because some people say I have to.

Readers, it is a lovely night tonight!! I only wish you peace and joy of soul, and as always "bear with me" meaning forgive my english writing errors!!
Love u all!